The Police & HOA’s: Only Good Until You Need Them?

“If you hire someone to dig up dirt, they’re going to dig up dirt.”

Bob Warner (Season 2 of the television show 24)

It’s hard to be part of the police force these days.  Most of what is reported about the profession is unfavorable.  And it can seem like they focus on lesser crimes while neglecting larger crimes that seem to go unabated.  Who hasn’t heard some variation of, “Why are they pulling me over for speeding 10 miles over the speed limit?  Aren’t there unsolved murders they could be working on instead?”  It’s a tough gig when you’re just trying to do the job the law tells you to do.

Home Owners Associations (HOA’s) get similar treatment.  They are the “police” of subdivisions.  Their job is to ensure that the neighborhood rules are being followed, even seemingly minor ones.

BDF Realty isn’t in the HOA business per se, but we do “work” with them occasionally when we field their complaints on rental homes we manage.  They’ll send us a letter (some affectionately coin these letters as “nastygrams”) like below:

To whomever this may concern,

We hope you are having a great day!

And it must be a great day for you because you get to sit inside munching on Cheetos and watching Netflix while your neighbors deal with the unsightly vision of your empty garbage can still sitting at the curb 3 days after collection!  As our property values plummet, we all collectively wish we could smash your face and wipe that snug, lazy smile from your cheesy lips.

Sir/Ma’am, you are worthless and weak.  If your garbage can is not rolled back to the house by 12/1, we will be forced to haul you in front of our next HOA meeting/tribune and publicly shame you for your selfishness (while fining you $100/day).  You are an unsightly blot on our fine subdivision.

If you have already moved your garbage can, please accept our half-apology.  It never should have come to this.

Have a wonderful week!

Love,

Your HOA

P.S. May God have mercy on your soul.

P.P.S.  Please join us for crackers and hot cider at the clubhouse on 12/8 for our “Holiday Meet & Greet” with a “Frosty the Snowman” theme.  Prizes will be awarded for the best snowman/snow-woman/snow gender-neutral costume.  Look forward to seeing you!!

(Author’s Note: the letter above might not be verbatim, nor closely resemble an actual HOA correspondence)

So why even have an HOA if it is a bother?  At the end of the day, they are being paid by YOU to police YOU.  They don’t have to exist; certainly not all neighborhoods have them.  HOA’s, as the police, are only around because members of a subdivision/society choose them into existence.

So what good do they do?  HOA’s are nice when you have a problem with a neighbor that you can’t call the police for.  They are painting their house pink.  They are building a shed bigger than their house.  They are putting on a chain link fence with barbed wire while everyone else has a white picket one.  Their garage has paint peeling off and is an eyesore.  They don’t pay their pool fees.  They never bring in their garbage and recycling cans…

HOA’s, like the police, can seem annoying when they get into your business.  But it is nice to have people to call when you need them.  So when you see your HOA management representatives at the “Holiday Meet & Greet”, compliment them on their well-rounded snow costumes and bring them a cup of hot cider.  They are there to help you!

Happy Landlording!